i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Randomize
