Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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