Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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