I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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