someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
