Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize