He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
