Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
