I didn't shave. On purpose
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
