hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I am available for nakedness
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
