My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
