Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
