I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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