my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
