i don't want you to think of me as your TA
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
