I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
