I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
