I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
