i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
