It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
