"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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