i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
