Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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