Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my shit smells like andre
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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