yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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