false alarm. still invincible.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
