Im at strip club and am horny
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
