would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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