I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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