I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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