I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm both gender and math confused
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
