i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize