Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
