This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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