He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
