Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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