Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
