Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize