how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
