Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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