I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
