Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
soo... how was my night?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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