the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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