remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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