you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
me + whiskey = a bad person
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
