you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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