got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
