Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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