3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
