I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
