Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
