We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize