How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
