just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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