y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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