I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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