That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
