im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So many bounce houses so little time
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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