Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
