Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
