he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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