I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
even my farts smell like vagina
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
