I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
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Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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