Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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