She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
