is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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