My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
