someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
