im six kinds of drunk right now
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
