I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
