i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Apparently you make a good broom.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
