Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
