Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
