Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
