And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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