What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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