He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
