so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
