weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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