that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
