Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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