then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
