And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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