i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
