Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
