see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
