just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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