Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
