I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
