have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize