2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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