im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
