Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
