So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
