She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
