That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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