If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
