he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
