Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
