Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
