I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
