sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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