i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
