Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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