Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
