Is it because I queefed?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
