Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
